When Mulder Met Alex Rieger, that is
by Frohike
Summary: Things at the Sunshine Cab Company may not be the way you remember. Crossover: XF/Taxi


  


When Mulder Met Alex…Rieger, that is.  
Author: Frohike  
Email: frohike51@aol.com  
Category: crossover XF/Taxi (I believe I have the distinction of being the first and only person to do this, to date. Is that a good thing?)  
Disclaimer: Alex Rieger and the characters from Taxi belong to MTM Productions. Angela's Theme was written by Bob James. It's an instrumental, but since I mentioned it, I thought I'd clear that up for the good folks at Castle Music/Windsong. Fox Mulder, Dana Scully and the characters from The X-Files belong to the good people at FOX, Chris Carter, and so on and so on. You know I'm not getting paid for this, right? Special thanks to www.bttf.com/taxi.htm for their awesome Taxi episode guide; I certainly made good use of it. Quotes from Gordon Cooper's speech to the UN have been borrowed without permission and with no malice aforethought.  
Rating: PG   
Distribution: You want it? Have you been hitting Rev. Jim's stash? Well, oookay! Let me know where it's going so I can visit from time to time.  
Feedback: Yes, please.  


Author's note: This fits absolutely nowhere in the XF space/time continuum of canon or in the Taxi universe, for that matter. It is set after 2002, because, well, it just worked out that way. I blame Piper for mentioning Taxi in the first place, Mo and Marybeth for thinking a crossover would be a good idea, and mostly myself for actually sitting down and running with it. Taxi fans, it's been a long time since I've seen an ep. I think I've got Judd Hirsch and Danny DeVito pretty solid in my head, but Andy Kaufman? Yikes, you try to translate Latka into print. *g* 

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

LATE NIGHT, NEW YORK CITY  
ANGELA'S THEME PLAYS OVER A QUIET CITY STREET SCENE

Scully screamed as Mulder stepped out in front of the oncoming taxi. "Mulder! Look out!" 

Mulder fell to the pavement, smacking his knee on the curb on his way down. 

The taxi screeched to a stop. The driver stumbled out of the cab and ran over to Mulder. "Oh geez, mister, I'm sorry." He extended his hand to Mulder.

"Mulder, don't you dare move!"

"I'm fine, Scully," Mulder said, taking the driver's hand and getting up on his feet. "No big deal."

The driver and Scully answered in unison. "Are you sure, Mulder…mister?"

"Yeah, I'm fine. He didn't hit me." Mulder turned to the driver. "Really, I tripped over my own two feet; you didn't hit me."

The driver let out a sigh of relief. "Oh, thank God. No offense, mister, but my boss would have my ass on a plate if he had to file an incident report."

Scully frowned. "Well, I'm glad we were able to spare him the trouble of having to do any paperwork."

"Lighten up, Scully. No harm, no foul," Mulder said.

The driver shook his head. "No, no, she's right. That was a crummy thing to say. I never almost hit anyone before, ya know? Stupid things pop out when I'm nervous." He reached out his hand to Scully. "I'm sorry, Miss. Name's Alex, Alex Rieger. Can I take you folks somewhere? It's on me."

"I'm Agent Scully. The man you almost hit is my partner, Agent Mulder."

"Oh, Agents! What are you, like Secret Service or something?"

"FBI," Mulder answered. "And yes, you can drop us off at the Hotel Edison."

"That dump? Gee, for all the taxes I pay each year, you'd think the government could afford to put you up someplace decent."

"You'd think, wouldn't you?" Scully said. 

Alex ran to the cab and opened the door for her. "You're lucky," he said. "Last run of the night and the cab is still clean."

"Thank you, Mr. Rieger," Scully said, as she climbed in.

"Please, it's Alex. You say Mr. Rieger and I start looking for my father."

Mulder climbed in behind Scully; Alex closed the door.

"You realize that this is the second Alex who's tried to kill you?" Scully asked.

Mulder grinned. "Guess we won't be naming any of our children Alex, will we, Scully."

Scully opened her mouth to reply, but was cut short by Alex getting in front and slamming the door.

"So, you two really work for the FBI?"

"Yes, we really work for the FBI," Mulder said.

"You here investigating that murder on the docks? Man, that was a weird one."

Mulder leaned forward. "Do you know anything about the murder, Mr. Rieger?"

"Alex." He shook his head. "No, but you're down here and that's one of the weirder things that's happened recently."

Mulder slumped back against the seat, clearly disappointed. 

"Relax, Mulder. We'll go back to the hotel, get some dinner, then look through the file again."

"I feel like we're this close," Mulder held up two fingers, spaced almost a millimeter apart, to emphasize his point. "It's him, Scully. I know it's him."

"I think you're right," Scully said. "The evidence left at the scene points to the Bounty Hunter, but why murder a dock worker? The decedent was twenty-year man for Oriental Imports. There's no indication he ever worked for or had any dealings with the Consortium. But, let's face it, Mulder, we haven't seen or heard from the Bounty Hunter in years. Why would he suddenly surface now? It doesn't make sense."

"I don't know either, Scully and that's what's bothering me. We have a trail of alien blood leading to the inside of the warehouse, then stopping just inside the door. The workers inside the warehouse swear that no one, other than employees, came in during that time."

"So, we can safely assume that the Bounty Hunter took on the appearance of one of the other employees."

"Obviously. What bothers me is the distinct lack of anything leading up to this. There have been no signs of UFO activity in the area for at least a year and I've received no information about any stirrings in what's left of the Consortium. Why this dock worker and why now?"

Alex looked back over his shoulder at the agents. "Excuse me, Agent Mulder, but you really believe that crap? UFOs, aliens, all that?"

"Is that a problem for you, Alex?" Mulder asked.

Alex snickered. "No, it's just that most people outgrow the alien phase by the time they hit puberty, that's all."

"Most people haven't seen the things we've seen, Mr. Rieger," Scully replied. 

"I'm sure. And it's Alex, remember?" He looked at Scully and waited for her nod before continuing. "You fibbies get some real whackos," Alex laughed. "Cabbies have their share of whackos, too, ya know. You should see some of the guys I work with."

"Do tell," Mulder droned.

"OK. Well, first there's my boss, Louie De Palma. Five foot nothing, all the charm of a water moccasin with a toothache. Think Napoleon, without the personality."

"Uh huh," Scully said, glancing over at Mulder.

"Then there's Bobby Wheeler. He's all right. An actor, or so he tells us. Always waiting for his big break," Alex said, rolling his eyes. "Tony Banta's, our resident boxer. Nice guy, left his brains in the ring a while back. Elaine Nardo, she's the most normal one of the bunch. Real swell gal, that one. She's raising a couple of kids on her own. Good kids, ya know? Never in trouble."

"Sounds like any company make-up, Alex. I thought you said had you had some whackos at, where was it you said you worked?" Mulder asked. Scully elbowed and glared at him for encouraging the driver. Mulder shrugged.

"Sunshine Cab Company," Alex answered. "And I wasn't finished."

"Do continue."

"OK, then we have Reverend Jim Ignatowski. What a nutjob! If there's a drug known to mankind, Jim's tried it. You know where he got the name Ignatowski?" Alex laughed. "He thinks it's Star Child spelled backwards." 

"Sounds like Peterson in accounting," Scully joked.

Mulder smiled. "So far, I'm not impressed, Alex. What else you got?"

"Ah, now you're interested," Alex smiled. "I saved the best for last." He pulled over and stopped the cab. "Sorry, but you gotta see my face when I talk about this one so you know I'm not pulling your leg."

Alex turned around and rested his elbows on the seat back. "OK, back when I first started at Sunshine, around 1978, this guy wanders into the garage, right? Get this, guy stands about, I don't know, five-eight maybe, hair greased back with forty-weight, eyes popping out of his head like Marty Feldman, a walk like Chaplin's Tramp and a voice, oh man, what a voice. Kinda nasal and high-pitched. He opened his mouth and I thought, you gotta be kidding me. Louie came out of the pit and started in on the guy. Now most people crumble when they meet Louie for the first time, but Latka just stood his ground."

Mulder leaned forward again. "Did you say, Latka?"

"Yeah, guy's name is Latka, Latka Gravas. Why?"

"No reason," Mulder said slowly. "You were saying?"

"Oh yeah, so anyway, Latka asks about a job and Louie wants to know why he should hire him. Only Louie, he doesn't ask nice, he bites the guy's head off in the process. Latka didn't seem to notice. Louie got a little pissed and decided to give him cab 804 to work on. That cab was the oldest cab in the fleet and hadn't been running so good. Louie figured he'd get a free day's labor out of the guy, then send him packing. Only thing is, it didn't work that way. Latka fixed that cab up good as new and became something of a hero to the rest of the gang. Louie caved and hired the guy."

"Where is Mr. Gravas from?" Mulder asked.

"Funny thing, he says he's from some place called Baschi, but the only Baschi I can find is in Italy and he's definitely not Italian. He kinda sounds Slavic," Alex laughed again. "Bobby thinks he's possessed because when Latka gets excited he kinda sounds like he's speaking in tongues." He moved his head from side to side, to work out a kink. "Then there are times when he sounds like he's come straight from Vegas. His Vic Ferrari days."

"Vic Ferrari?" Scully asked.

"Yeah, he's like a lounge lizard kinda guy. Smooth and sophisticated, in a Vegas sorta way. Vic speaks perfect English; no trace of an accent."

"Have you considered that he may be suffering multiple personality disorder?" 

"You mean like Sybil, Agent Scully?"

Scully sighed. "Yes, Mr. Rieger, like Sybil."

"Yeah, well, that was the general consensus, I guess, but his face changes, kinda gets slimmer when he's having a Vic day. It's more than just the clean hair and attitude. It's like, he gets taller and, I don't know," Alex shrugged. "He just becomes someone else, body and soul, ya know?"

"You say Latka showed up around 1978?"

"Yeah, that's right."

"Has he worked at Sunshine ever since?"

"Mulder?"

Mulder waved her off. 

"Yeah, pretty much," Alex replied, looking a little perplexed by the line of questioning. "Why?"

"How about from 1995 to 2002? Would you say he was in regularly during that time?"

Alex furrowed his brow. "Let me think."

"Any periods of time when he might have left suddenly for a few weeks?"

Scully touched Mulder's arm. "Mulder, you're not thinking what I think you're thinking?"

"It's a lead, Scully. I'll grant you, it's a longshot, but it's stronger than any other lead we have right now."

"Come to think of it, there was a period of time when he'd disappear for a few weeks here and there. Simka's mother was real sick for a long time. Then Greta died in '98, so he was gone for almost a month."

"Greta? Simka? Who are they?" Mulder asked.

"Greta Gravas, Latka's mother. Beautiful woman. Pushy, but beautiful." Alex wiggled his eyebrows. "Tried to get me to engage in a little nik-nik, if you know what I mean."

"I think we do, Mr. Rieger," Scully said with smirk.

"You're never gonna call me Alex, are you Agent Scully?"

Mulder pressed on. "Simka, Alex. Who's Simka?"

"Oh, she's Latka's wife. Sweet girl. Strange, like Latka, but without the split personality thing. Watch out when it's that time of the month though; she'll scratch your eyes out just for sneezing."

Scully pressed her back against the seat and fought the urge to comment on that blatantly sexist remark. Alex saw her expression change and hurried to explain.

"I know how that sounds, Agent Scully, but I don't mean it like that. We had to plan Simka's visits to INS around her, you know, because if she'd gone down there like she was, she'd have been deported. Honest, it was her idea. I have nothing but the deepest respect for what you woman go through."

"Thank you for clearing that up, Mr. Rieger."

Mulder looked exasperated at the shift in focus. "Getting back to the Gravas's. How long have they been married?"

"Uh, since '82."

"Any children?"

"No. Is this going somewhere, Agent Mulder?"

"Would Mr. Gravas be at the garage now?" Mulder asked.

"Might be," Alex answered. "His shift ends pretty soon though."

"Take us there; I want to meet him."

"Mulder, you can't be serious."

"Come on, Scully. We'll swing by the garage, check this guy out, then Alex can take us back to the hotel," he said. "You can't really be that anxious to get back to the Edison."

"Well, when you put it that way, I guess not," she admitted.

"So we're going back to the garage?" Alex asked.

Mulder nodded.

"Oookay." 

Alex started the cab and attempted to pull back into traffic. A horn blared. Alex stuck his head out the window. "Screw you, too, buddy!"

"At least now we know he's really a cabbie," Scully whispered to Mulder. "You picked up on Mr. Gravas's name, Mulder. Have you heard it before?"

Mulder leaned in closer. "One night, before you were part of the x-files, the guys showed me some weird messages from Thinker about a Latka Gravas. Seems that he was seen making frequent trips to the UN starting from July of 1978 and continuing until 1989. Thinker was never able to find out who he was meeting or even if he was meeting anyone in particular. But both the man and frequency of his trips during that time, were just enough to set off Thinker's paranoia meter."

"So you really have nothing on this man at all, except that he enjoyed visiting the UN years ago?" Scully shook her head. "That's thin, Mulder."

"No Scully, you don't get it. In July of 1978 Gordon Cooper addressed a UN Assembly of leading ufologists from around the world. His opening statement was 'I believe that these extraterrestrial vehicles and their crews are visiting the planet from other planets that are a little more technically advanced than we are on earth. I feel that we need to have a top-level coordinated program to scientifically collect and analyze data from all over the earth concerning any type of encounter and to determine how best to interfere with these visitors in a friendly fashion... .'"

"And I suppose that this marks Mr. Gravas's first visit to the UN?"

"Exactly. He showed up again on November 27, the same day that Allen J. Hynek addressed the General Assembly on subject of UFOs. In fact, every time Gravas showed up, there was a meeting of some committee on the subject of UFOs." 

"So, he's interested in the subject of UFOs. Still not impressed, Mulder."

Mulder's shoulders slumped. "I know it's weak, Scully, but indulge me this once?"

"This once?"

"Again?"

"We're here," Alex announced. He got out and opened the door for Scully. "Come on, I'll help you find Latka."

The trio walked into the main area of the garage and were immediately treated to the not so dulcet tones of the one and only Louie De Palma.

"Rieger! Where the hell have you been? You're shift ended fifteen minutes ago. I hope you made your ni. . ." Louie's rant trailed off as he spotted Scully. "Well hello." He walked in a complete circle around Scully, giving her the once-over. "What have we here, Rieger? You pickin' up strays again? Merooow!"

"You don't wanna be doing that, Louie," Alex said.

"Perhaps we should introduce ourselves," Scully said, reaching for her badge. "I'm Agent Dana Scully. This is my partner, Agent Mulder. We'd like to have a word with one of your employees."

Louie leered at her. "Oooh, Agent Scully, I've got a lot of words I'd like to have with you."

Scully set her jaw and tried to keep her cool in front of Louie. She turned her back to him asked Alex to please help her find Mr. Gravas.

Mulder sidled up beside Louie. 

"Man, oh, man. What rear view," Louie said, nudging Mulder. "You gettin' some of that action, buddy?"

"Nah, not my type," Mulder said.

Louie's eyes bugged out. "Not your type! You're kiddin' me, right?"

Mulder shrugged. "No, I prefer a real woman."

"Looks real enough for me."

"Well, yeah. The surgeons did a nice job."

Louie took a step back. "You mean, she's a. . ."

Scully poked her head around the door. "Mulder?"

"Well, almost," Mulder whispered. "The final surgery isn't until next month." He looked up. "Yeah, Scully?"

Scully came back into the main part of the garage and walked over to Mulder and Louie. Louie backed into the cage, scrambled up the stairs and slammed the door behind him.

"Is everything all right, Mr. De Palma?" Scully asked.

"Yeah, everything's fine, pal. Just do what you need to do, all right?" 

She gave Mulder a questioning glance. Mulder allowed a small grin to creep slowly across his face. 'Later,' he mouthed. She gave a slight nod and turned back toward Louie.

"Could you page Mr. Gravas for us, Mr. De Palma?" she asked.

"Yeah, sure." Louie grabbed the microphone. "Latka! Front and center."

"Thank you."

"Yeah, yeah, whatever." Louie turned away from her and headed back into the depths of the cage.

"Mulder? What happened out here?"

"Nothing. I just had a little chat with Mr. De Palma, mano a mano."

"Tell me you didn't use the 'she's a man' line again."

Mulder smiled. "When a line works, Scully. . ."

Scully dropped her head and sighed.

Alex rounded the corner with another man in tow. "Found him," he said. "Latka, these are the people I was telling you about. He's Agent Mulder and she's Agent Scully."

Latka gave a slight bow of his head. "Veddy nice to meet you."

"Mr. Gravas, we were wondering if you mind answering a few questions," Mulder said.

Latka moved closer to Alex. "Alex? I am in trouble?"

"No, you're not in trouble, Latka." Alex looked at Mulder and Scully. "Right?"

"We're just following up on some old business, Mr. Gravas." Scully answered. "Just a few questions and we'll be on our way."

Latka gave her another quick nod. "Oh kay."

"Mr. Gravas, we understand that from 1994 until 2002, you took a number of unscheduled vacation days. Where were you going?"

"My wife's mamma, she was veddy sick. We went to care for her."

"Your wife, Simka?"

"Yes. Simka is my wife."

"Where exactly did your mother-in-law live?"

"Buffalo."

Alex stared at him. "Buffalo? I thought you went back to Baschi to visit her?"

"Well, yes, Alex. But mamma wanted to move somewhere warmer," Latka explained.

"So you moved her Buffalo?"

"It's warmer than Baschi."

Alex laughed and leaned back against the wall. He looked down at the floor and waited for the questioning to end. 

Scully stepped forward. "Mr. Gravas, did you visit Washington, DC or Maryland during the period of time from 1994 to 2002?"

Latka shook his head rapidly. "No, my Simka wants to stay in New York. I had to go to Baschi to bring mamma back for her. Trips to Buffalo make Simka. . .how do you say. . .nutty as a fruitcake?"

Scully stared at Mulder. "I think we've heard all we need to hear, Mr. Gravas. We thank you for your time."

"You are veddy welcome," Latka answered. He bowed his head once again and prepared to leave.

"One more thing, Mr. Gravas," Mulder said.

Latka turned around. "Yes?"

Mulder reached into his coat pocket and withdrew a slim, silver object. "Does this mean anything to you?" He held it near Latka's face, pressed the trigger and watched Latka's reaction to the quiet thwppp, made by the alien stiletto. 

Alex's head shot up at the familiar sound. He scrambled to gain purchase on the garage floor. 

"Mulder!"

"I'm on it, Scully."

Mulder ran full on at Alex. Scully swung around to block the exit. Latka looked on, completely baffled by the flurry of activity around him.

Mulder threw Alex to the ground. He drove his knee into Alex's back and yanked the alien's arms upward. Scully whipped out her cuffs, slapped them on Alex's wrists and pulled her gun, just as Alex began to morph into his true self.

Louie strolled out from the back of the cage and leaned over to peer through the wire. "All right you guys. Cut the noise." He saw Alex change into someone else. "What the. . ." He gave a quick tug on the locked door to be sure it was secure, before hightailing it to the back room. "Jeff! You're in charge!"

Latka, now beginning to recover from the initial shock, inched closer to the being he'd always known as Alex Rieger. "Alex?"

The Bounty Hunter turned toward Latka; pure malice emanated from his eyes.

Latka's eyes popped out and he went ridged. "Nononononononono!" he screamed. 

The Bounty Hunter squirmed under Mulder in an effort to get to Latka. 

Latka screamed something, in a language neither Mulder nor Scully recognized, then ran out of the garage.

Mulder pressed the stiletto to the base of the Bounty Hunter's neck. "Don't move," he growled.

"You're a fool, Mulder," the Bounty Hunter said. 

"And you're the one with your face on the concrete," Scully added, using her weapon to emphasize the point. "Why did you kill the dock worker?"

""It was an accident." He struggled slightly to lift his head so he could meet Scully's eyes. Mulder pressed the stiletto harder against his neck, but granted him a little leeway. "Idiot nearly ran over me with a forklift. I lost my temper."

Mulder poked him with the stiletto. "You lost your temper?"

"Yes, you idiot. I haven't killed anyone in a few years; I lost my temper. It happens."

Mulder relaxed a little and sat back on the Bounty Hunter's legs. Scully gave him a 'what do you think' look and kept her gun trained on the Bounty Hunter's face. Mulder frowned and shook his head.

Scully continued. "Suppose we buy that explanation; there's still the matter of Alex Rieger. Where is he? What have you done with him?" 

The Bounty Hunter laughed. "There is no Alex Rieger. I was sent here to live among you until such time as I was needed. He was created as the ultimate nobody, a cipher, easily forgotten, easily disposed of. Then you two came along and screwed it all up."

"Sorry we spoiled your fun," Mulder deadpanned.

"Because of you," the Bounty Hunter continued. "I'm stuck here. Time and effort was redirected to the Super Soldier program. With that in place, I was supposed to have returned home. But you two and your damned iron compound wiped them all out and the rest of the forces retreated, leaving me stranded here, in this garage, for the rest of my existence. An army of one, with no battles left to fight."

"If you're so desperately unhappy, why stay here? With your abilities, you could go anywhere?" Scully asked.

The Bounty Hunter grunted and turned away from her.

Mulder smacked the back of the alien's head. "Don't be rude. Answer the lady."

The Bounty Hunter huffed and turned back. "Because they know me here. And. . ." 

"And what?" Mulder demanded.

"And I've gotten used to them," he spat out. 

"You mean, they're your friends." Scully said.

"I suppose so."

The three stayed in place, considering their current predicament. Aware that other employees were bound to be returning soon.

Scully lowered her gun and put it back in the holster. "Now what, Mulder?" 

Mulder got up, put the stiletto back in his jacket pocket, then yanked the Bounty Hunter to his feet. "Give me your keys, Scully."

She took them from her pocket and handed them to Mulder. When he inserted the key into the cuffs, her mouth fell open.

"You're releasing him?"

Mulder stopped short of actually turning the key. "It's over, Scully. I'm tired of fighting. Look around you; isn't this punishment enough?"

"But Mulder, he did murder that man on the docks," Scully protested. "We can't just let him go."

"We can't turn him over to the authorities either," Mulder noted. 

Scully frowned. "What do you suggest we do?"

Mulder spun the Bounty Hunter around. "Take an anger management class and swear you'll never hurt anyone again."

"I don't take classes," the Bounty Hunter growled.

"Well, then, you leave me no choice." Mulder reached into his coat pocket, pulled out the slim, silver device and placed it at the back of the alien's neck. 

"NO!" the Bounty Hunter shouted. "I'll take the damned class."

"And?" Mulder asked.

"And I'll never hurt anyone again," the Bounty Hunter grumbled.

Mulder put the stiletto away. "Ok, Scully?"

"Almost," she said. "What are we going to do about Latka and Louie? They saw him morph, Mulder."

Mulder turned the key and removed the cuffs. "How are you going to resolve that?"

The Bounty Hunter stretched, then morphed back into Alex Rieger. "That's easy. I'll ask Jim to whip up a batch of his special brownies. Once Latka and Louie eat a couple of those, I'll be able to convince them that this was all a figment of their imaginations."

Mulder walked over to Scully and stood by her side. "Good enough?"

"Sure, fine, I guess."

"Come on, I owe still owe you dinner," Mulder said.

They were halfway to the exit when Alex called out to them. 

"Hey, you want a ride?"

"NO!" the two said in perfect unison.

FADE TO BLACK. ANGELA'S THEME PLAYS OVER CREDITS. 

  



End file.
